I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
