so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
