she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
