Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Holy shit dude........stairs
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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