Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
