Christians are straight up FREAKS
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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