U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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