Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
