I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
