The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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