First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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