The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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