i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
