Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
