my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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