drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just invented taco cereal.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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