That's intense
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
