as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
