Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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