I want to walk on stilts...naked
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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