Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Randomize
