I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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