I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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