This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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