i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
