I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
