You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
