dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
this will be a night to untag.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
