she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Randomize
