so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
