We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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