Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
