She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
