My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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