Say something about gay babies.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
