Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize