One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
