no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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