Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
