i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
