They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
