Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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