you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
