i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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