So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
