I'm going to jail i love you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
