i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Congratulations! We have a period
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