Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
