dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
