I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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