you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Randomize