i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize