New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
