You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize