Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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