last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
