He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
