I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
