new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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