I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
