Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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