So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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