Pappa wants mamma naked
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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