if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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