if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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