Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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