Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
