in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
