I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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