What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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