No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
