Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize