ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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