i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
