Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
