I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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