dude i'm inner monologue high
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
