I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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