the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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