so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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