Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
