We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What drink are we having for lunch?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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