3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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