I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize