If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
