It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
