i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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