woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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