I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
