I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
