Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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