so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm passing your future prison.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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