Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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