I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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