I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
