i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
