p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
