i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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