Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
