Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
