He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize