whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Someone signed my nipple.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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